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Weighing in on Measurement
By Mike Terry

An ounce is just a unit of measurement right? It's a lot more than that.

Remember when you dropped from your mother's womb, probably not but work with me here, you were measured in pounds and ounces. "Oh my precious Michael weighed 7 lb. 10 ounces". Don't we wish we could include ounces in our weight now? But I digress. From the time we were wee, ounces really ruled our lives.

Milk, formula and baby food are all measured in ounces. As you grew older and started to graze on other food from the food pyramid you consumed packaged foods - all measured in ounces. For instance, do you realize a can of tuna use to be 6.5 oz? Now is it 6.0 oz or less. Doritos use to be 14.5 oz. and now they come in bags of 13 oz. Half gallon ice cream, the bastards switched it to quarts so who the hell knows how much is in there now. We're being deceived.

Every time I got to take a dump it feels like I'm losing pounds not ounces. Saying you dropped the equivalent of a baby's weight next to the Tidy Bowl Man may sound impressive to the guys/gals but in reality, your average poo only weighs 3.5 oz. Of course that varies depending upon diet and how many times you hit the buffet. Point is, it's only ounces.



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