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Things that ought to be a Crime but Aren’t

• Going the speed limit in the fast lane
• Going the speed limit in the fast lane —with your turn signal on
• Dressing identical twins like Mary Kate and Ashley
• Running a "Mr. Belvedere" fan site (this wouldn’t be so funny if it weren’t true)
• Driving an SUV
• Fantasizing about driving an SUV
• Ordering a "diet" soda with a dessert
• Non-alcoholic beer
• Vegans wearing Birkenstocks
• Cattle wearing Birkenstocks
• Buying Quixtar products
• Watching TBN (raised to a felony if you pledge a "love gift")
• Ordering anything from the Home Shopping Network
• Wondering just what Scott Bakula is doing right now
• Knowing exactly what Scott Bakula is doing right now