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Making Whoopi with Online Marketing

By Kent Lewis

Some things are confusing, it's true. The movie career of Whoopi Goldberg. Claudia Schiffer and David Copperfield. The creation of a Spice Girls movie. Richard Simmons (see also "scary" category). Others aren't so confusing. The disappearance of Hootie and his Blowfish. The opening of a "Where Are They Now?" file on MTV's Pauly Shore. The creation of a Spice Girls movie.

Internet marketing should be just as easy to understand. It should be as clear as pure spring water, free of all heavy metals and industrial contaminants. It should be twice as strong, fat free, cholesterol free, caffeine free, all natural, homeopathic, recommended by four out of five dentists, and should, with the requisite number of boxtops, earn you a plastic Disney character of your choosing. But no matter the different faces it may wear, its objective remains the same: support existing communications goals online.

After all, the Web isn't just for nasty chat and trogloditic paste-eaters to recount the technological inaccuracies in the latest episode of "Babylon 5," it's also one more way to effectively and creatively reach target audiences.

Unfortunately, the same portion of the population still using the expression "don't go there," the same people, incidentally, who are comfortable taking dieting advice from "Laverne and Shirley's" Cindy Williams, don't get what online Internet marketing is all about. And perhaps this doesn't matter for little Johnny Sixpack and little Mary Housecoat. But for a world on the move...

In the beginning was the word, and it was marketing. Somewhere in the middle came the Internet. The rest, well, that's up to you. And online marketing firms. Given the chance, these agencies can shepherd you through one or more of the following: research, site and event promotion, advertising and public relations. Alone, and in concert, these elements can, when handled properly, lead to dramatic results.

The first of these, research, is to online marketing what Silver was to the Lone Ranger, what K.I.T.T. was to Knight Rider, what Vanilli was to Milli - the unrecognized workhorse. The one that struggles along in virtual anonymity, helping to spread justice or carry an unearned Grammy, or simply provide that information so pivotal to the development of a sound marketing campaign. The research department reviews your company's online presence, earmarks those areas needing improvement, provides insight into the target industry and competitors, and then, when the marketing push is over, measures the results.

Site and event promotion, they're the barkers in front of the freak tent, enticing families with: "Ladies and gentleman, enter and see 'Lobster Boy,' the boy with lobsters for hands and 'Corrugated Box Boy,' the boy who will - right before your very eyes - eat an entire corrugated box." They help bring the world to your site. And if the right agency - in other words, not one of the fly-by-night operations asking a paltry $9.95 to register your site with a promised 300 search engines - they can help draw a map leading the world to your door. It's a bit like buying a toupee, if you don't have the money to do it right, it's probably best to wait.

So what's involved in doing it right? Start with registering with key search engines, directories, "hot" sites and "what's new" sites. Then consider a second-tier promotional salvo in the form of an email announcement to key newsgroups, discussion lists, forums and relevant industry resource sites. Forget to include online advertising and public relations in this mix and you're forgetting your pants.

Advertising is next. Like the Spice Girls, online advertising is a new but explosive growth industry. Banner advertising can be a very effective tool for building awareness and support for your branding efforts, not to mention marking the finish line of a marathon. Plus, these ads boast a higher recall than standard broadcast ads. Unfortunately, many companies are tiptoeing into this new medium like so many virgin members of the Polar Bear Club at their first dip.

They're nervous about spending the money on what they perceive to be an untested marketing tool. The truth is they should be nervous - but not about the medium. It's the agencies that deserve their scrutiny.

Just as you wouldn't go to a doctor with Attention Deficit Disorder, or a psychiatrist with Tourette's, don't partner with an agency that can't talk to you about the latest in audio, video and Java banner ads, not to mention sponsorship opportunities and microsites. The reality is a bad driver makes for a bumpy ride, no matter the car.

And then there's public relations. There are proportionally fewer traditional public relations firms specializing in online communications. But just as with advertising, the Web offers a host of new PR opportunities and possibilities. Apply the same exacting and critical eye to choosing your PR agency as you do your advertising counsel, and you can begin to exploit the countless advantages to be found online. Amen.

The point is this, 8-tracks are gone and they're not coming back. It's a new world, with new opportunities and a new language, and just as with a new dog, you can either take control and train him, or you can get whizzed on. A business degree, a background in technology public relations and two years experience in this three-year-old industry has afforded me some global perspective.

Many people in the field are either "old guard" traditionalists or "propeller heads," all trying to learn new tricks. But the truth is it's not rocket science. A keen eye and a modicum of common sense and experience are enough to begin effectively communicating on the Web. Still, online technology waits for no one, and it's becoming increasingly difficult for companies to maximize their Web presence without help. That's where people like me come in. And like it or not, horrified or not, confused or not, there's no returning to the days of yore. I'm here to stay. As for the nightmare of Whoopi Goldberg movies, my advice is to just close your eyes and go to your safe place.