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The Myths Behind Web Developers and Boob Job
by Ben Lloyd

I can’t even think of where to begin. It was obvious really. I mean, who wouldn’t rather spend that kind of money on themselves instead of on their business. I mean, I own the business, right? These dot.communist decisions are mine to make, right? So if I see it fit to take my profits and run instead of sinking them back into a Web site for my already successful business, it’s my decision to make, right? I suppose I should feel ashamed at my selfishness, but I just don’t. You should see how they look when they’ve just been cleaned, all shiny and squeaky and new. Or the sounds they make when the bass kicks in. It’s those kind of moments when I think to myself "that was the best money I ever spent". But I digress; let’s back up for a minute.

I’ve been on a bit of a quest lately. I needed to put up a Web site for my business. For your own protection, I won’t give you the details about my line of work, so I’ll just say that all that I wanted was a basic site. I only needed a couple of pages that I could update easily to inform my customers about specials or sales, industry trends, and ideas to make our line of work easier while making it tougher for the INS, ATF, CIA or FBI to crack down on respectable businessmen like myself.

So I went about it rationally enough. I took a look at a couple of websites for some local businesses, got some referrals, and went out to find a developer. I was in for a big surprise. Once I started talking to some developers, I started to realize that being a Web developer has got to be like printing your own money. But it’s legal. These guys want five figures to build and maintain basic websites! I’m trying to run a profitable business here and stay out of the joint while doing it, I’m not trying to buy these punks luxury cars with all the options or fund their early retirements and trips to the Caribbean! Besides, once I started to tell them a little bit about my business, they started passing judgment on me. They have some sort of rules or ethics or something against building sites for businesses like mine.

As my mind starts to churn, I begin to break this down to its finer elements. I realize that spending $10,000 or more on myself would be a whole lot more fun than blowing it on a Web site. For ten big ones, I could try to find a developer who would build a site for me, OR I could buy a set of big ones for my girlfriend AND a new entertainment system for the pad.

Hmmm… I thought to myself "this one’s going to require a lot of thought." Now I need to find a free website.

Since I blew my wad on toys that are fun for the whole family, <wink> how do I put up an easy to create and maintain website for my business? And of course most importantly, I need one that’s cheap - or better yet, free.

After attempts at some other sites like homepage and geocities, I ran across Convey.com. Since my business is illegal in most states, Convey was nice enough to build a sample Anvil site as an example. I will tell you that I was able to put the bulk of my own site up in under an hour. And not only that, I put the site together while I listened to my new entertainment system serenade my girlfriend’s brand spankin’ new knockers.

I believe that I’ve attained nirvana, that inaccessible point of light in a man’s life where everything comes together and balances in perfect harmony. There’s even an almost imperceptible humming sound… Oh, well, that’s the girlfriend - nevermind. Anyway, now I have the best of both worlds. A shiny new Web site for my business, and a shiny new set of cans for my girlfriend and me. Not to mention the some of the best new audio equipment that money can buy.

Of course I should mention that Convey doesn’t allow illegal businesses on their service, so the boys and me may have to have a "talk" with them. It’s not easy being an Amway distributor these days.