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The Two-Man Elevator Band
What happens when the Elephant Man meets Pachyderm Stan
By Maxim Theophilus Gunz

Stan Stan the Elephant Man
Has a yellow belly and a hook for a hand.

He’s comin’ to your town
Send in the clowns
He knows the bearded lady
And Charlie Brown.

And now he’s known as the Elephant Man
The Elephant Man named Pachyderm Stan

(Musical interlude)

Troy Troy the Alligator Boy
Elevator music makes him annoyed.
(Two measures of elevator music)
(Troy): Hey, stop that!

He doesn’t like it when you say:
“I saw your exhibit, now have a nice day”.

Then he met the Elephant Man
The Elephant Man known as Pachyderm Stan
And the two of them made a two man band.
They made a sound across the land.

So ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys
Here they come with the most annoyed noise

They made a song called The Dirty Bird.
With the most absurd words that you ever heard
Ever since you joined the lamb herd.

(Music fades)

Maxim Gunz is a sixth-grader at Sellwood Middle School. His favorite movies are “Bartleby” and “Joe’s Apartment”, and he’s been listening to Logan Whitehurst & The Junior Science Club and They Might Be Giants a lot lately.