Best Excuses to Avoid Gardening:

• Concrete lawn doesn’t require much water or weeding
• Only got 37 Burpee catalogues this year
• Hay fever in family bloodline
• What? And get rid of the '73 Impala? On cinder blocks?
• Save the environment while extending the life of your lawnmower: don’t water
• Don’t like the looks of that rhododendron bush
• I have to support the NHL strike in my own way
• Can't see the lawn for all the beer cans
• Tired of changing fluorescent tubes and looking for wiretaps
• Garden Weasel isn't the same after I got it "fixed"
• I refuse to kill anything, especially Aphids
• Damn terra cotta gnomes eat the strawberries when I'm not looking
• Waiting for Monsanto to create a genetically altered Hefeweizen tomato
• Used the last of the chicken wire to build a playpen