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Gemini
The
moon is in the fifth quadrant of the fourth trimester. Fear the
approach of friends with festering wounds. Spread peace all over
your toast.
Cancer
As the Sun moves into the sign of Cancer risk not the talents
of the indoctrinated. It is unwise to falter when otherwise inclined.
Opportunity may present itself where you normally expect to find
present opportunities.
Leo
Her name is Leo and she dances on the sand. Just like a river
drifting through a dusty land. And when she shines she really shows
you all she can. Oh Leo, Leo, dance across the Leo Grande.
Virgo
You are a person of many talents. The entrance of the Sun into
the sign of Cancer behooves you to use these powers for good in
the coming weeks. You are a skilled listener. People respect what
you say. You touch many lives. Too bad you’re such a bitch.
Libra
Drink lustily from the Río de Melocotones. With Mercury
still in opposition to Mars, contemplate where you would be without
saline. Expose your soul. Have the to courage embrace pain rather
than fear it. You are a mental tactician. Contemplate impending
social doom.
Scorpio
Be open to acceptance of challenges. With
Mars in retrograde motion in Sagittarius, beware imposed retractions
of available concepts. Touch that which offers tactile variations.
Temper that which is malleable. Form that which is unbending.
Sagittarius
A trine involving Mercury, Jupiter, and
Uranus could leave you vulnerable to bricks. Give some Pounce to
your pussy, ‘cause cats love that "shakin’ sound."
Open your heart to pastrami. Open your legs to…..uhhhhhh…...forget
it. Explore canned salmon.
Capricorn
Born. Scorn. Porn. Shorn. Horn. Torn. Forn(icate). Masturbate.
Fellate. Whoops!……..Corn. Adorn. Mourn…….
Aquarius
So a man walks into a bar and sees and attractive women sitting
by herself. He sits down next to her and orders a Sapphire and tonic.
Several moments pass, and after a contemplative sip of his beverage
her turns to the woman and asks "can I smell your pussy?"
The woman, aghast, exclaims "no you asshole you cannot!"
The man pensively draws another swallow of his gin. After a long,
tense period of silence, he turns to the women again and says "Hmmm…..must
be your feet."
Pisces
Bebida fuerte del River of Peaches. Comtemplaban
donde usted estaría sin salino. Exponga su alma. Tenga al
valor abrazar dolor más bien que témalo.
Aries
With Mercury conjunct Jupiter and trine
Uranus you may experience a brief urge to urinate. Wait until this
feeling passes, then snuggle back in your lover’s arms and
delight in the waves of pleasure common to G-spot arousal.
Taurus
With Venus moving through Taurus, you
will finally experience that long overdue relief from abdominal
discomfort. Take heed, for as Pisces goes into retrograde distemper,
a non-functioning Tonka truck may enter your sandbox at an unacceptable
moment. Do not fall behind on Scorpio maintenance or tempers will
flare among the less rationally exuberant. Cranial hydrogenation
is likely, under such inalienable circumstances.
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