| Appetizers
Blue
Eyed Soul Chowder………………………………………………...$9
Always
had an eye for blue eyes? Well slurp up a spoonful of these glassy
morsels! Popped directly from the sockets of fair-haired, young
Britney wannabees who tried just a smidge too much X at last weekend’s
rave (notice the still dilated pupils!); our tender blue eyes are
simmered all day in a viscous ocular fluid. First timers will be
pleasantly surprised by the lively crunch as they bite into one
of these babies!
Marlboro
Man Aorta Poppers…………………………………………...$8
Juicy
aorta sections, stuffed full o’ arterial plaque and deep-fried
in a light golden batter. Served with a side of tangy honey-mustard
sauce for dippin’. Watch out for lesions!
Dead
Weight Demi-Glas ……………..…………………..………….....$11
Thick
and rich, our savory demi-glas is painstakingly reduced from the
carcasses of 3 Weight Watchers flunkies. Our suppliers patrol local
BBQ stands during lunchtime and guarantee that all carrion is collected,
gutted and refrigerated within 30 minutes of cardiac arrest.
BuffaLobe
Wings……………………………………………………….....$10
Sometimes
starving artists, well, they just starve. Their misfortune is your
feast! We fry up their oft-perforated little ears and serve them
to you with a side of our famous 3rd Degree Burn sauce.
Order a batch and help a poor artist pay some post-mortem homage
to the master impressionist.
Main
Dishes
Muscovy
Dick…………………………………………………………....…$21
Like
its namesake Muscovy duck, our Muscovy Dick is lean, juicy, and
white, if not a little on the small side. We receive fresh dick
daily compliments of ‘roid rage victims at Adolph’s Weights
and Winstrol health club in Sand Point, Idaho. Sautéed to
engorged perfection and served with curried cous cous.
North
Shore Bearded Clam……………………………………….……..market
You’ll
really enjoy going down on this one! Available only during storms
in the Pacific, our bearded clam is the finest on the west coast.
Harvested by lifeguards from the beaches of Oahu’s famous North
Shore, our clams stay moist and salty inside the wetsuit until they
arrive at our kitchen! Darker and richer in flavor than the pale
Malibu clam native to California, our North Shore clam is grilled
over an open flame and served Hawaiian-style in thick, creamy coconut
discharge and topped with pineapple chutney. Alooooooooooooha!
Linebackered
Ligament…………………………………………..…..….$19
Football
fans, here’s a (medium) rare opportunity to experience the
game from the inside. The inside of the running back’s knee
that is! Our buyers pluck the discarded ligaments straight out of
the bio-waste bins at major research university hospitals, so you
know you’re getting the freshest and the best. It may look
like spaghetti, but its really exploded ACL! Served atop a mound
of garlic-mashed potatoes.
Skull
Squash……………………………………………………..….……...$14
Get
your motor runnin’, Head out on the highway… Can’t
make up your mind about what to have for dinner? How about someone
else’s mind? This tasty cut of cerebral cortex comes to us
pre-tenderized courtesy of some less fortunate Easy Riders who learned
their final lesson in the physics of rapid deceleration. We serve
it to you in a mini-helmet bowl just for fun!
Post-Coital
Charbroil………………………………………………………$16
Some
people still insist on enjoying a smoke in bed following an amorous
interlude. Fortunately, many fall asleep and do the cooking for
us. As the bed goes up in flames around them, their flushed, sweat-soaked
skin seals in the moisture, broiling them to juicy perfection. We
carve up the rich tenderloins and serve with rice pilaf and spring
vegetables.
Smoked
Lung…………….…………………………………………………$17
Smoked Panama Red style on the streets of Amsterdam, our succulent
lung is transported across the Atlantic in the cargo hold of commercial
airliners, along with the rest of the homebound remains of beloved
little Trustafarians who just had to try smack "for the experience,
man." A full 10 grams in weight, our lung is served over a
massive bed of linguine boiled in fresh bong water. Dude, this shit
is awesome!
Desserts
Pearl
Necklace Pie………………………………………….……….….….$8
A
pair of luscious mammaries glistening with drizzled whipped custard.
Headboard
Pudding………………………………………………….…....$9
Fresh,
chilled gray matter of unfortunate lovers caught in the throes of
ecstasy whose brains were reduced to mush by an overly enthusiastic
partner.
Marrow
Mochacinno…………………………………….………………….$5
Drained
from the femur and steamed to perfection. Topped with whipped cream
and cinnamon.
Fromunda
Cheesecake…………………………………………………...$6
It
sounded like a good idea at the time….
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