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Top Ten
Tchotchke Watch
by Kent Lewis

There is one exception to this statement, however. Tchotchkes.

According to the dictionary:
tchotchke ("CHACH-kee") noun origin: from Yiddish "tshatshke", meaning "trinket" 1. A cheap, showy trinket.

In the world of industry tradeshows, conferences and events, nothing beats the freebie in grabbing attention and cutting through the clutter. Technology shows like Comdex have become a supermarket of free goods hawked by company reps and attractive models.

Over the years, I’ve collected a virtual cornucopia of giveaways, stemming from my early days as a PR flack. Today, my bedroom dresser is overflowing with free t-shirts extolling the virtues of "Stacker Man" and Thunder Lizard. It may sound like a bad 70’s detective show or Japanese B movie, but you’d be surprised to see what show attendees will do for a free t-shirt.

At work, I have a holy shrine to tchotchkes: a bookshelf stocked with schlock, rivaling the even most schizophrenic low-income Antique Roadshow groupie. When I visit tradeshows, my radar goes into alert mode, and I make sure I don’t leave the booth area until my bags overflow with branded squeeze balls, pens and assorted knick knacks. I also remind my coworkers and friends to "pick me up a little something" when they’re out on the road.

Now that I have a Smithsonian-sized collection of crap, I’m starting to realize I need therapy, or a good housecleaner. Before I start tossing out the goodies, I figure I might as well share my top ten tchotchke list with you. The list was carefully evaluated based on fundamental principles of effective tchotchkes:

· Overall fun factor or desirability
· Perceived value or cost
· Originality
· Relevance to product or company

With these criteria in mind and a 40 oz. of Old English, I waded through my bookshelves and picked out the best. In order, they are:

1. The Image Bank’s "Ultimate Deadline" millennium countdown clock. I got a huge kick incorporating the clock into my New Year’s celebration with family and friends. Once the clock hit midnight, (counting down from three months previous when I picked it up at a tradeshow) it belted out a few standard New Year’s tunes in digitalized mono. If it was good enough to incorporate into my New Year’s Eve party, it’s good enough for a top position.

2. ICONOCAST’s metal business card holder. This is a big winner for three reasons: it’s functional, it looks expensive and it’s strongly branded. It’s always impressive to slide it out of a breast pocket in a new business meeting. Now if I could only scrape off the logo and replace it with Anvil…

3. Deep Canyon’s Swiss Army pocketknife. Who doesn’t love a handy dandy keychain pocketknife with plastic toothpick? While name brand army knives retail for $9.95, this imitation freebie couldn’t be sold in stores due to lackluster fit and finish. Nobody has to know it can’t cut butter, it’s a fashion statement.

4. Ameritech PrePaid’s 3D View-Master. I’m surprised I don’t remember picking up this beauty specifically, but it stands out in a crowd. The trick is to supply relevant but entertaining slides (none were included). No I have to dig up my old Captain EO packet to enjoy.
5. adauction.com’s keychain Etch A Sketch. Enough said about this timeless wonder. Friends will marvel at the miniature screen and knobs, and especially the fact that you didn’t pay the standard $5.95 at the gag gift shop.

6. Flycast Network’s see-through calculator. This is another "expensive looking" giveaway that is also highly functional. Who can beat a calculator? The only drawback is battery power.
7. Authentic8’s credit card-sized flashlight. I’m a bit biased, but we helped orchestrate the concept behind this popular giveaway. While the flashlight is cool as a standalone goodie, we were able to eek out an almost relevant tie in: "I’ve seen the light."

8. Compaq’s multimedia super ball. This amazing toy has all the benefits of a bouncy rubber ball with an extra kick. Once bounced, battery powered internal organs set off annoying sounds and flashing lights. Highly memorable experience. Luckily the batteries have to wear out sometime, and you’re left with a cool but quiet super ball.

9. Verio’s boomerang. It’s big, it’s plastic and it’s dangerous. No male alive would refuse such a daunting yet exciting freebie. I have yet to test out the aerodynamic properties due to a lapse in liability insurance.

10. Personify’s metal pen. Free pens are more ubiquitous than Honey Buckets at a carnival. This pen is different, it’s heavy, it’s solid metal and it’s very cool looking. When I want to impress someone like a parole officer, I break out this bad boy.

Now that I’ve filled your mind with more senseless trivia, you have no choice but to perk up and turn on the radar when you visit your next tradeshow or conference. If you find something good, feel free to mail it to me. I’ll take anything, except another chocolate pizza. Some things are just too good to be true.