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A Recipe from the Bartender's Guide to Advanced Mixology
A refreshing alcoholic beverage with a crystal twist
by David Lytle

Name of Drink: Twisted Crystal

Background:

The spirit of the high-tech age is captured in the hard-to-produce drink, once known only to a few electronic pioneers who had access to the special ingredients needed to create it. The first recorded instance of the drink dates to the late 1990s, when it gained notoriety on the American rave scene. The drink's prohibitive cost, combined with its legendary potency, quickly propelled it into the stratosphere of notoriety. Although a Twisted Crystal did not require the use of a controlled substance (other than, of course, alcohol), local authorities placed the concoction in the same category as the illicit pharmaceuticals found at raves. Those who made or imbibed the drink were often jailed, even though the courts eventually dismissed all such arrests. A major blow was struck against the drink in 2004, when the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, acting under its legislative mandate to oversee the safety of radiological devices, classified the drink as a Class IV laser light device. The designation required bartenders to certify the safety of the beverage and file a laser light show safety report that covered the circumstances under which each drink would be served. State regulations required bartenders in New York and Arizona to have a state-issued laser operator's license and pay a $300 registration fee for each drink served. Needless to say, the new rules made it virtually impossible to order a Twisted Crystal.

Ingredients:

One pair of Ytterbium crystals, each with a slight spiral defect in the crystal structure. The defect gave rise to the drink's famous name, and also made its production possible: Ytterbium crystals used in solid-state lasers must pass the highest quality standards, with defective crystals relegated to the high-tech trash bin.

• 2 measures 100-proof pure grain alcohol
• 2 measures heavy-metal selenium salt
• 1 measure grenadine
• 1 measure roso vermouth
• 1/2 measure freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 1 front-surface mirror sufficiently large to cover the top of a Champagne flute

Process:

Place the liquid ingredients into a Champagne flute and stir until a uniform red-amber color is achieved.

Add selenium salt and stir vigorously for 30 seconds.

Immediately drop the crystals into the flute and cover the top of the glass with the mirror (the front surface of the mirror must be pointed toward the bottom of the glass). Gently agitate the contents by rocking the stem of the glass.

In approximately 30 seconds, the liquid will begin to fluoresce, with particles of selenium salt producing noticeable sparks. In another 30 seconds the crystals, excited by the fluorescent "pumping" of the selenium solution, will emit a dazzling green laser light that is visible for hundreds of feet. At this point, remove the mirror from the top of the glass and drink. The crystals will slowly stop their lasing action and dissolve into smoky-tasting micro-particles that bind to the grain alcohol, vastly increasing the liquid's potency. Users are advised to sip the drink slowly, preferably while seated in a chair with a designated non-drinker nearby to prevent the drinker from falling out of a safe position.