Top Ten Most Effective Ways to Liven up a Funeral
- Require all attendees to wear spandex and legwarmers
- Synchronize disco lights to the sound of guests sobbing, sniffling and moaning
- Hire a professional ventriloquist to allow the deceased to give the eulogy from "beyond the grave"
- Host an open casket service with someone else's body inside
- Ask Marcel Marceau to give the eulogy
- Place deceased in 40-foot casket--then EVERYONE can be a pallbearer!
- Flash the applause-o-meter after Gallagher warms up the crowd by crushing a watermelon
- Encourage all eulogies and comments be made in iambic pentameter
- Hand out air horns and giant #1 fingers at the door
- Coordinate a 21 gun salute, indoors
